文档介绍：
one for me growing up. the self that i attempted to take out into the world was rejected over and over again. and my panic at not having a self that fit, and the confusion that came from my self being rejected, created anxiety, shame and hopelessness, which kind of defined me for a long time. but in retrospect, the destruction of my self was so repetitive that i started to see a pattern. the self changed, got affected, broken, destroyed, but another one would evolve -- sometimes stronger, sometimes hateful, sometimes not wanting to be there at all. the self was not constant. and how many times would my self have to die before i realized that it was never alive in the first place?
这个和自我打交道，找寻自己身份的过程在我的成长记忆中一点都不简单。我想成为的那些自我不断被否认再否认，而我胆怯自己无法融入周遭的环境，因被否认而引起的困惑让我变得更加忧虑，感到羞愧和无望，在很长一段时间就是我存在状态。然而回头看，对自我的解构是那么频繁，以至于我发觉了这样一种规律。自我是改变的，受他人影响，分裂或被战胜，而另一个自我会产生，这个自我可能更坚毅，可能更可憎，有时你也不想变成那样。所谓自我不是固定不变的。而我须要经验多少次自我的破裂重生才会明白其实自我从来没有存在过?
i grew up on the coast of england in the '70s. my dad is white from cornwall, and my mom is black from zimbabwe. even the idea of us as a family was challenging to most people. but nature had its wicked way, and brown babies were born. but from about the age of five, i was aware that i didn't fit. i was the black atheist kid in the all-white catholic school run by nuns. i was an anomaly, and my self was rooting around for definition and trying to plug in. because the self likes to fit, to see itself replicated, to belong. that confirms its existence and its importance. and it is important. it has an extremely important function. without it, we literally can't interface with others. we can't hatch plans and climb that stairway of popularity, of success. but my skin color wasn't r