文档介绍：DONALD OGDEN STEWART
A PARODY OUTLINE
OF HISTORY
by J. Walker McSpadden
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DONALD OGDEN STEWART
Preface
Mr. H. G. Wells, in his "Outline of History," was of necessity forced to
omit the narration of many of the chief events in the history of these
United States. Such omissions I have in this brief volume endeavored to
supply. And as American history can possibly best be written by
Americans and as we have among us no H. G. Wells, I have imagined an
American history as written conjointly by a group of our most
characteristic literary figures.
Apologies are due the various authors whose style and, more
particularly, whose Weltanschauung I have here attempted to reproduce;
thanks are due The Bookman for permission to reprint such of these
chapters as appeared in that publication. I give both freely. D. O. S.
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DONALD OGDEN STEWART
CHAPTER ONE
INTRODUCTION
A CRITICAL SURVEY OF AMERICAN HISTORY
In the Manner of William Lyon Phelps
On a memorable evening in the year 1904 I witnessed the opening
performance of Maude Adams in "Peter Pan". Nothing in the world can
describe the tremendous enthusiasm of that night! I shall never forget the
moment when Peter came to the front of the stage and asked the audience
if we believed in fairies. I am happy to say that I was actually the first to
respond. Leaping at once out of my seat, I shouted "Yes--Yes!" To my
intense pleasure the whole house almost instantly followed my example,
with the exception of one man. This man was sitting directly in front of
me. His lack of enthusiasm was to me incredible. I pounded him on the
back and shouted, "Great God, man, are you alive! Wake up! Hurrah for
the fairies! Hurrah!" Finally he uttered a rather feeble "Hurrah!" Childe
Roland to the dark tower came.
That was my first meeting with that admirable statesman Woodrow
Wilson, and I am happy to state that from that night we became firm
friends. When Mr. Wilson was inaugurated in 1913 I called on hi