文档介绍：、God must love stupid people. He made SOOOOO many.
2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. 
3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. 
4、The last thing I want to do is to hurt you. But it's still on the list. 
5、If sex is a pain in the a-ss, then you're doing it wrong... 
6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 
7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police. 
8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. 
9、Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs. 
10、Politicians and diapers have one thing mon. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason. 
11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
12、Women might be able to asms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
14、 Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
15、 Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
16、 My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
20、 Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
21、 How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
22、 If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit s