文档介绍：托福独立写作
主体段修改前后
Sample 31 – Before
论证: 广告使商品看上去比实际的好
First, the advertisements are the way of pany
to show the product to the public, so they show the best product in the whole group of goods. People will attract by the perfect example of the goods, but the rest of the products may not have the same quality as the showing one. This will e like a gloss to the customers, implying that all the goods are well-done.
Sample 31 – After
论证: 广告使商品看上去比实际的好
To begin with, one of the best strategies for pany to show its products is through advertisements. They provide a perfect channel to demonstrate the best products pany has to offer to potential consumers. Although people are attracted by such glamorous advertising, the problem is that many shoppers would be disappointed when they purchase the real products and start to use them. In fact, adverts are employed as a disguise to exaggerate a product’s strengths while hiding its weaknesses.
论证方法
TS: 递进
SS1: 指代
SS2: 转折
SS3: 强调
Sample 32 – Before
论证: 电视的主要功能是娱乐而非教育
Firstly, it is obvious that people today carry more pressure than they used to. As a result, the demand of entertaining is increasing among them. The main purpose of watching television is to relax oneself, instead of increasing the pressure. Education is considered a method to hence one’s pressure. According to a research did by Professor Jackson lately, about the people’s intention to let the television program be all educative. Not surprised, 98% of the people vote for objection. It is not wise to take away people’s pleasant.
Sample 32 – After
论证: 电视的主要功能是娱乐而非教育
To be sure, television has the magical power to provide viewers with relaxation and enjoyment. Although there are certain educational TV programs, they are never part of the mainstream because most people regard learning as a source of pressure. Apparently, the last thing they want to do after a hard day’s work is to be educated by watching television. According to a recent study by Professor David J