文档介绍：书面表达专题(八)
学生习作点评
(一)
请根据下面的英文短诗,展开适当的想象,写一篇短文。标题为:My Teacher Mr Moore。
There's teacher Mr Moore.
Who is lovely and thirty­four.
Always encouraging us to try.
He leads us to a world of“why”.
We all admire him more and more.
注意:。
,发挥想象,适当展开。
,结构完整,语意连贯。
。
:120左右。
[学生习作]
My Teacher Mr Moore
Mr Moore,thirty­four aged①,is a lovely at the first sight to him,I'm filling②with unkindness to him due to his serious­looking face and severe words.
With time goes③,all of us make friend with④ we always play basketball and share our interesting experiences with a word,he is not only our teacher but also our close friend.
In study,he always encourages us to try and refuses⑤to give in⑥whatever we in life,he often does a favour and spares no effort to help us.
Apart from above,he also has an advantage on⑦others which is his humorous character,so we can learn more knowledge in a happy atmosphere.
Now although we have separated a long time but we all miss him more and more.⑧
①表达有误,此处可用aged thirty­four作后置定语或用介词短语at the age of 34。
②be filled with与be full of均意为“充满……的”,故此处应把filling改为filled。
③“随着时间的推移”的正确表达法为:With time going或As time goes/went/has gone on,故此处应把With改为As,或把goes改为going。
④make friends with sb.“与某人交朋友”,friend应用复数形式。
[教师点评]
⑤分析句子结构可知,此处refuse应与try并列而非与encourage并列,故应用动词原形。
⑥根据句意“不管遇到什么事情我们都不要放弃”可知,此处应用give up“放弃”,不应该用give in“屈服”。
⑦“胜过某人”,应用介词over。
⑧although和but不能同时出现,应去掉其中之一;现在完成时态常与“for+一段时间”连用,故a long time前应加for。
(二)
Directions:Write an position in about 100 to 120 words according to the points given in Chinese.
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[学生习作]
On my study way①,a②English class makes a deep impression on me and is remain③in my that time,I'm not interested in English and always do other something④in English ,this English class makes me change my mind about English teacher's lecture attracts me opens a door for me,make⑤me realize English is ve